Dei, when did you last have an epiphany?
Dei,
We were on the couch mulling over our respective task lists when she looked up at me to say,
“I had an epiphany in the shower just now about…”
I don’t remember the rest of what she said because that half sentence alone struck me with an unusual violence. Much like someone pressing an object with unknown temperature against your skin before smirking “haha its cold right haha”
It was cold. Realizing that I cannot recall the last time I had #showerthoughts.
When I traced the behavioural paths and decisions that led my mind towards this seemingly empty state, I discovered that it is because I watch YouTube videos during this time for thinking quietly. My mind was cluttered with the noisiness of Colbert and Meyers. I unconsciously timed hair washes to the length of an episode. There was no space to think, only to lather and rinse, in 13 minutes and 20 seconds.
The first bath I tried without a YouTube crutch was both the longest and shortest shower I had ever taken. It was quiet. It was singular. I noticed everything.
No epiphanies.
Failure tends to evoke the most creative, cunning and furious responses from me. 70% troubleshooting and 35% throwing my entire self against the proverbial wall, until a solution emerges. Eventually, I find the answer I am looking for and things work out. But lately, I’ve been reframing my approach to failure. At the gym, the term ‘training to failure’ gets tossed around a lot. It is recognised as the most reasonable metric for success in muscle building. It makes sense but reconditioning my vocabulary to accept this notion of failure has been uphill challenge, until my coach phrased it this way,
“It takes 10 bad reps to make 1 good rep.”
This is not a novel idea. Nothing about this statement is remarkable. Yet, just like the shower thoughts, it caught my throat. I asked myself why am I finding these pedestrian approaches to life so impactful all of a sudden. Am I starved for new perspective? Have I been living on autopilot for so long that I’m just getting by instead of getting through? What am I really searching for?
It took more than 10 epiphany-less showers for the first one to arrive. When it did, I realised that I was actually weaning myself off digital interference, if only for 13 minutes and 20 seconds at a time. This was the only section of my day that I was not deliberately inundated by stimuli. I was truly alone and hyper aware. The temperature of soap on skin, the dryness of hair before conditioner, the length of time it takes for my heart to stop racing and lean fully into the blinding rush of water against my face.
It hit me then.
I need to make more pockets of time like this, in my waking hours.
May they have it in your colour and size,
Melizarani
On repeat
After every Zoom call/meeting, schedule in the calendar 15-30mins to process the meeting. This lets you close the loops on all your interactions.
Ask yourself:
What did I just commit myself to?
Where am I going to put that?
Where shall I write that down?
Do I need to put some more notes on my list?
Do I have to get back to this person?
Do I need to put a reminder on the calendar?
Is there an email I need to send out to get the process started?
DO IT THERE. MAKE THAT PART OF YOUR MEETING.
If you separate that, it leads to overwhelm.
Cal Newport’s podcast has been a source of clarity and closure for me this past week. I’ve been taking a lot of messy notes from his episodes. This advice in particular led me towards creating a “worksheet” for easier implementation. Maybe this is something that could help you too.I have heard the butcher’s words & learned to care by Singaporean poet Hao Guang is a meditation of discomfort, to sit with.
My father said
“When you are pushed to the wall, you have to climb.”